After googling at university for a couple of hours, I decided it'd be a good idea to start a blog on a new site, since some things are best expressed if ranted at from all angles, and I'd rather a couple of my friends didn't read them.

This is a blog mainly to vent my anger, my frustrations and the general anxiety of my life. Not that it's all that exciting. This blog is mianly for me, to help me get feelings off my chest, and as a kind of therapy. To "let it out" as it were.

Ok, so news. I feel horribly isolated from my friends as of late, it's like they're pretending I'm not even there. It's probably not their fault that they suddenly decide that I'm not worth conversing with, I suffer from crippling shyness, and as we all know, old habits die hard. This has happened before, and I've seen some of my best friends decide that I'm not bothering with and randomly hack off all contact with me. Interestingly, 100% of the time they've all been female.
Males seem to 'get' me, and I get them. I have very masculine interests, such as video games and cars etc., while I hardly share anything in common with females. Since I'm female myself it's difficult for me to comprehend why I have such differed opinions to almost any female I talk to. Maybe because I grew up with only brothers, since my two elder sisters hung around with each other, and my two younger sisters were too young for me. So what did I do to pass the time? Watch my brothers play such classic games such as Resident Evil and the Final Fantasy series. It's hardly a surprise that I can't associate with females. It's like there's some kind of barrier between me and them that I can't get around. Oh well, what can one do?

I have a mad crush on someone unobtainable too. The thing is, he himself has expressed interest in me, and I reciprocrate, but I really don't know what he's thinking. I wish body language wasn't so subjective, or he'd write a note above his head that said "let's go and bang each other really hard."

I know my life isn't hard at all, but I wish it were easier too: Like I wish my fucking brother would die or something. I know those are harsh words, but with the amount of grief he gives my mother and me, maybe it would be better if he wasn't around at all.

I think all this stress has come up because of the dream I had last night. I dreamt that an anonymous man knifed me in the back of the neck and I died. Everything was so heavy and dark and still; really scary stuff. I believe the dream was caused by massive changing family circumstances concerning my brain damaged father, as he's coming home in a few short months, and in total honesty, I'm scared witless. I don't have anyone close to talk to it about either, probably why I made this blog in the first place.